First, There are many, many places where you can find a list of "what not to do". I tried to give a list of "what to do".
Second, where would you like to participate? Which project? Please contact me -- selenamarie -at- gmail -dot- com, and perhaps I can put you in touch with someone in that community that would allay your fears.
I feel terrible about what happened to Kathy. And I support taking action to reduce the chance something like that would happen again. However, I don't think that's the norm. It certainly has not been for me, and as Audrey mentioned in her article - participating off-line is certainly an option. My experience has been that most open source work is done among small groups of connected people.