Rick, you're close but not quite there. Major assholedom is common, as is minor jerkishness. Even when you don't see it yourself, it's reported a lot. There are two predictable responses when we talk about the crap that gets dumped on us just for being women:
1. That sucks and it should not be that way (yay!)
2. There is no problem, so shut up. (stab!)
A variation on #2 is "flames and hostility are part of FOSS. Get used to it."
Too many FOSS projects are too tolerant of toxic pests and destructive behavior. I think the jerks are a sizable, loud minority, but still a minority. There needs to be a lot less tolerance of poisonous behavior. What to do? Here are some suggestions:
1. Silence = assent. Speak up against bad conduct.
2. Hit the delete key- list and forum admins have the power.
3. Give disruptive troublemakers the boot.
Yeah I know, censorship list cops blah blah. We're not obligated to provide podiums for hostile, destructive people to spew their bile from. It's a big slap in the face to the courteous people who actually contribute to projects to tolerate the trolls and jerks. No one- absolutely no one- is such an indispensible genius that they can be excused from ordinary courtesy and respect. That includes Linus, everyone's favorite cuddly flamer. I had to laugh out loud at an article a few months ago- Andrew morton, I think it was- who invited more people to get involved in kernel development and posting bug reports. Riiiight- come on masochists, this is a job for you! You'll get all the beatings you can handle!
This isn't just a women's issue, though we're the only ones brave enough to speak up about it. How many talented men have been turned off to FOSS because of the dorks? How many non-white women and men?