What I wish I could watch on my video iPod

by Giles Turnbull

INT. DAY.



A TYPICAL CORPORATE MEETING ROOM



A large oval table surrounded by people.



They're a mixture. Programming dudes. Marketing dudes. Sales dudes.



They're all looking at a MYSTERIOUS DUDE, hidden from view behind us.




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Whatcha got for me, guys?



1ST DUDE

New iPods, boss! Triangular! Here!




1st Dude tosses a plastic gadget across the room. A hand flicks up in front of the camera and catches it, SNAP! Like that. The hand pulls down, clutching the gadget like a claw.



(Beat)




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

I hate it.




F/X: Sound of something hitting a trash can.




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Next.



2ND DUDE

Uh, we got some new UI mockups for Leopard. No borders - that's sure to go down well. And a new skin we're calling "Brushed Purple."




(Beat)




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Get out of here.



2ND DUDE

But -



MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Does purple say 'cool'? Does purple say 'success'? Does purple say 'Look at me, everyone, I'm a Mac user'? Does it? Huh?




Collective mutterings: "Nossir," "Right on," "You got it," "The man's got a point there."



2nd Dude's chair scratches across the floor. His face hangs down, shamed. He moves to stand up.




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Purple. Purple. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.




2nd Dude starts to move away from the table.




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Wait a minute.




2nd Dude lifts his head. His face a picture of misery.




MYSTERIOUS DUDE

You said something about no borders?



2ND DUDE

Uhhh - yeah.



MYSTERIOUS DUDE

I like that. That will go down well. And what are the corners like?



2ND DUDE

The corners? Well, uh, they're like the old corners. Ya know, kinda rounded.



MYSTERIOUS DUDE

Pfft. Rounded's out. Don't you use iTunes anymore? Gimmie squarer corners. Ditch the purple, and gimmie squarer corners. You got that? Squarer!




We momentarily zoom in on 2nd Dude's face, which is slowly brightening into a smile.



Then suddenly cut to Mysterious Dude, whose identity is now clear, even though he is silhouetted by a brightly-lit Mac desktop projected on the wall behind him. The Flurry screensaver is running, and it appears that the moving curves of light are coming right out the top of Mysterious Dude's head. Like he's a genius or something. The very air around him crackles like a force-field.



We zoom in on the screen, over Mysterious Dude's head. We hear the people in the room starting to laugh; nervously at first, but then with increased confidence.



FADE TO BLACK POLO NECK



And with Leopard will we rule the world! Mwa-ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!