Which programming language gets you the most sex?

by Dan Zambonini

If, like me, you're a subscriber to Darwin, Dawkins et al, then you probably assume that there's only one purpose for your existence: to reproduce.

With that in mind, when you choose a programming language for a task, you shouldn't be concerned about performance, security, efficiency, documentation or technical support, but rather the ultimate question of; "which language will give me the best chance of procreating?"


Paul DuBois
2007-01-26 10:39:21
Too much time on your hands?
2007-01-26 12:18:37
Yuck. This is the kind of stuff that makes Ruby seem so shallow. Rails is a nice framework that runs on a very nice language. It is not sexy, no software is.
2007-01-26 12:26:46
and yeah, I know this is a joke :)

Just way too many people take this stuff seriously.

2007-01-26 12:41:15
LoL. About rails, that *may* be true in a prototype phase but in the long term you'll pay it with longer hours at work trying to hack its poor xml parsing, its poor unicode support; trying to be more performant, trying to integrate with that weird old legacy at work, trying to use that old DB model or simply writing a client for that f**** web service written in java or c#... all of that using the poor existent documentation...

Please be serious.

Josh Peters
2007-01-26 13:24:55
I've gotta say a knowledge of Javascript and/or Flash's Actionscript will lead to more special interest than anything else. Nothing says sexy like a good demo :)
2007-01-26 14:03:43
If you're a guy, learn Lotus Notes script. 100% of the Lotus developers I've met are women.
Andy Lester
2007-01-26 14:15:43
Perl, of course.

There's More Than One Way To Do It.

2007-01-26 19:04:23
for me, it's perl.
Kurt Cagle
2007-01-27 00:01:44
Forget languages ... learn project management - you get to go out at the end of the day and on weekends.
2007-01-27 11:52:27
i would say the human language, many it guys forgot how to use it
2007-01-27 20:03:52
step one to advancing your prospects of procreation is to improve your attractiveness to potential mates. Implication here is that you, in particular, may need to get out more....
J Reyero
2007-01-28 03:35:50
i'm guessing some commentors don't get that is is probably a sardonic take on the pointless "mine is bigger than yours" argument of which language is best
2007-01-28 07:54:00
Project Management isn't the way foreward. You'd spend too much time in long meetings working late to get prjects back on track. You'd also have to explain to every potential mate what you job title actually meant.

The simple answer is, whichever language pays the most salary.

2007-01-28 11:21:28
Or the one that screws the most customers so you can get the reputation for being a hero when you fix their problems.

It's called 'customer advocacy'. Warm gushy letters from customers will get you promoted faster, a higher salary, and the most action.

Sex as a reward is not about the act in the mammal brain. We do it because are wired to do it. It is about the perception of what follows the act and its contribution to a repete performance.

2007-01-29 01:37:54
2007-01-30 02:38:04
LOL this was worth a read .... light hearted and funny .... LOL yes project management...hmm and QA thats were the girls are ... (make sure it is QA'ing some funky business software and no some bloody OS)
Pipo Lambert
2007-01-30 18:39:00
Excellent reasonning, congratulations. I go for VB and the cute operators.
2007-01-31 02:34:15
Cobol clearly works the best. It keeps going forever...
2007-02-06 11:50:08
LOL, I think I'll forgo LAMP and start learning more about "Sex On Rails", hahah. Nice article dude X-D
2007-02-11 04:02:31
Very funny :-) I am gonna learn project management - the prospect of meeting some women there attracts me :-)
2007-12-17 12:08:59
haha good article, I had a laugh! I agree VB = mixed gendered work places from my experiance. Ding-Dong d:
raby whyte
2007-12-21 02:19:03
This article has spawned an entertaining discussion between friends at my university in the UK, 'which programming language is better' is always a popular discussion among peers but correlating it with sex adds humor!


Charles Foster
2008-02-10 13:25:11
Quite funny.
2008-04-13 10:03:06
"Sure, you may not be creating the next Google, but who’ll have the last laugh?" - here I agree.